breathe out

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 i lose my breath
when
golden afternoon strikes the black and white tiles, 
the stripes curving and dancing before my eyes

ocean air winds its way through the city, 
the flag billowing, red and white dancing together
i step down an empty alley, 
the bustle of the city suddenly cut off by brick walls and narrow streets
my bus screams down the pan-american highway, passing the roundabout 
where there is always
a game of volleyball
someone napping 
a family picnicking 
the shade of a tall cactus
a lost dog
a loose kite


i am filled with love
when
the shouts
and laughter of 
my students 
fill the street

when 
a pattering of feet and 
a soft voice
wake me from my nap beneath the open window

even when
a soccer ball comes crashing 
against our house, 
glass flying, 
faces of terrified neighbors peering out from a nearby alley


 i am sad
when
the heat of summer 
means the start of a farewell

when
the months turn to weeks, 
the weeks turn to days,
and the day will come that I board a plane, 
homeward bound 

when
the idea of home 
is more abstract than before

when 
i dream of adventure
and dream of home
and in my dreaming, discover I have been in Tacna all along 


i am at peace
when
i sit by my adopted tíos y tías
mis primos y primas
mi hermano y mi hermana 
mi mamá y mi papá 
who
i did not know two years ago 

who 
have loved me all this time

who ask me:
when will you return?

i do not know

yesterday an old vecina asked me: how long will you be staying for? 
and it felt
as if my journey had only just begun





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